French

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From: ABC XYZ
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2008 3:57 PM
To:
Cc: [email protected]
Subject: Last Day @ XYZ

Hi,

Today is my last day at XYZ. I really had a wonderful time (1) working with each and every one of you (2). You
will remain very special (3) to me.

Thank you so much for making my stay at XYZ a memorable one (4).

Keep in touch... (5) In this small world (6) I am sure (7) our paths would cross again soon.

You can reach me on my Mobile: +91 999 999 9999 (8)/ Email: [email protected]; [email protected] (9)

With Best Regards,

ABC


9
Mistakes Suggestions

  1. Plain lie (as disclosed privately in-person).
  2. Factually wrong
  3. Verbosity. ‘very’ is not required.
  4. Again, Redundant verbosity
  5. ‘…’ – Never good in a formal email
  6. Unnecessary assumption and mostly wrong
  7. Bold confidence. Factually certain surety is not possible!
  8. The number is not valid and repeated in signature
  9. Two email id's are confusing.

A better and simpler version could have been –
“Today is my last day at XYZ. It was a pleasure to get to know each one of you. Stay in touch. I can be contacted at [email protected]__.__”

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US

Updated - 5/20/09 - Simple